Over 10 years ago, I was involved with a woman who had been separated from her husband. She got pregnant and wanted an abortion for fear of losing her daughter. I was young and did not care and paid for it. Needless to say that ended that relationship. A few months later, something happened. As I cleared the mirror to shave, all I saw was a man who murdered his child. If I would have had a gun that day, I fear I may have died. I spent a few hours on the phone with my best friend from high school. He had always tried to lead me to the Lord. He did that night. However, this is only the beginning. I met my wife shortly after that. Because she had been married previously, I walked away from God.I believed He meant for me not to be married to her because of adultery. It was the worst mistake I ever made. The first few months of our marriage were great. Then things started rolling downhill. The little things started bugging me and I was critical of her. For the past 9 1/2 years, I have been this way. I realize it was not all my fault, but a majority was. All these years she attended church and asked forprayers for me. Last Thanksgiving we decided we would be better off without each other. We have 5 boys, the oldest is my stepson. I have been so hard on him he decided he wanted to move to Ohio with his Dad. A few weeks ago I moved out. On March 2, I realized I made a huge mistake when I saw how happy she was. I knew it was not for me, but it was because of me...I was gone. It drove me to the bottomless pit of despair. I was so broken and crying. At 3 in the morning on March 4, I got back on my knees and asked God to forgive me and take me back. He did. His love is so amazing. He lifted me from the ground and raised me up. However this is not the end. After all these years of prayers, my wife gave up. Either she never believed (which I do not think is true) or she turned from God. She is continuing with the divorce. I have tried for the past two weeks to convince her otherwise. It has done nothing but drive her further away. She wants to see other people, and may be doing so already. satan has used this to try and drive me back to him. he has failed miserably. No one or anything of this world will ever come between God and I again. It is the only thing perfect in my life. I know there are consequences for my actions, but God is true to his promise. He has lifted me up so many times and helped me to go on. Finally, I have put it all in his hands. Kristi is my true love given to me by Him, and only He can give her back. It must be of her own free will though. But there is something I want more than her; it is for her to find her way back to the Lord. She has lost her path. Her actions and her words prove this. I have prayed every day she will come back to me, but now I pray for her to forgive me and come back to God. Without him, there will be no peace for her. Through our Lord, all things are possible. I have faith in him. I will always love her, but I no longer dwell on her because it was distracting my relationship with God.,I offer this testimony so that others will realize that without God life is lost. When he gives you something as precious as His love, never walk away from it. You will be unhappy and lose the most precious things you have...His mercy and His grace. And the things you think are most important go away too....your wife and family. Thank you for building this site, my brother.  May God bestow His grace and mercy on us all,