I was born in Detroit and moved to the suburbs when I was about 4 years old. My older brother, Kim died as an infant, so I really never really knew him, but I always felt an emptiness in my heart at his loss.      My younger brother Kerry and I shared a bedroom, and  by todays standards, we shared a physically abusive childhood. We didn't have a fancy name for it. We just knew that when Dad got mad at us, we'd get a beating with a belt.  I can remember times when the beatings hurt so bad, that I couldn't even cry out. We would get beaten enough that our legs would often collapse. I wore the welts of the belt as a badge of shame.       I'm sure in their own way my parents tried, But I can honestly say that I can't remember either one of my parents ever saying "I love you" or getting a hug from them. I couldn't wait to get out of the house. I finally moved when I was 17 yrs old. I've been on my own ever since.      I married my first wife in February of 1976. By February of 1978, my second son was born. Life went on. Then, after 12 years of marriage, my wife filed for divorce.      I was devastated. After working two jobs nearly all of my adult life, I had suddenly lost everything, all my worldly posessions, my house, two cars, furniture, my bank account all the household furniture....everything. I literally left the marriage with just the clothes on my back....but I was wearing a brand new title..HOMELESS.      My home became a small piece of cement floor and a milk crate was now my dresser. It contained a couple of pieces of clothing I picked up at a nearby salvation army store. My net worth fell from nearly $100,000 dollars to less than 10 bucks. Brothers, life is tough when you're alone on the streets. My self-esteem and confidence plummeted. I felt so alone and so lost.       In 1990 I met a wonderful woman that brought joy and happiness into my life once again. 14 months later, we got married. We were very happy for a few years, but then it seemed like everything started falling apart.     One day I got word that my little brother was murdered. Ironically, he was beaten to death.  In 1997, I began to have heart problems. I had been working as a paramedic while attending Nursing school. I was admitted to cardiac intensive care that same year and had to drop out of school as a result. I was literally at deaths door. I went into cardiac arrest 3 times and had to be revived. The day I got out of the hospital, I got a call that my father had passed away. Soon after that, I lost my job of 7 years.  My world had come crashing down. The pain and heartache was more that I could bear.      I began drinking to ease the pain, but that wasn't enough, so I took on a mistress......her name was  COCAINE. I often "partied until I passed out. That seemed to be the only way I could sleep and forget the pain.      I found construction work, but it wasn't the same and I was soon laid off.  I found another job, but was let go when they found out I had a heart problem.      I spiralled into a deep depression.  After a while, the cocaine in powder form wasn't strong enough to ease the pain. Then one night someone handed me a rock. It was crack cocaine. I gladly took it. Finally I found something that stopped the pain....or so I thought.      I continued to smoke crack and drink beer nearly every night. I knew I was a wreck physically and mentally and so depressed  I didn't really care if I lived or died, what difference did it make? I had nothing to live for.       I got a call one night, a buddy of mine had died from a heroine overdose. I was sad that he died, but I didn't stop doing drugs, in fact, it didn't even slow me down. Looking back, I think I almost "envied" him. He wasn't hurting anymore.        Just when I thought things couln't get any worse,  they did! Eventually, my car got repossessed and my house went into forclosure. I began thinking of suicide. I talked to an attorney to try and save my house. I wanted my wife to have something when I was gone. He recommended bankruptcy, so I filed Chapter 13. I was so embarrased and so ashamed.      By now my life was unbearably painful.  I felt I had no future, nowhere to turn and no hope of climbing out of this depression I was in. I was now getting very serious about suicide.      Finally, one night when I was alone at home and in a drug and alcohol induced stuper, I took a .38 caliber out of my nightstand, emptied the bullets out of it and began practicing how I was going to kill myself. First, I put the barrel in my mouth, cocked the hammer and pulled the trigger.  I repeated this several times, aiming at my temple, my throat, then my chest.      I then put a bullet in one of the chambers and spun the wheel. I pulled the hammer back and through a stream of tears, I said " If this is the only way to stop the pain, so be it." I pulled the trigger.   CLICK!!!    It was an empty chamber.     I threw the gun down and began to weep uncontrollably.      A few weeks later, I got a job with another construction company, but I continued to drink and do drugs nearly every night.      Finally, in the Fall of 2001, my wife told me she was tired of all this and wanted to go to church. I was very pessimistic, but figured "What harm could it do, nothing else had worked?" That October, we found our way to Warren Road Church. I liked it.......a lot. I felt like I belonged.  Linda and I began to come every week. Then after about a month or so, Pastor David invited us to his office. He went over some bible verses with us and explained how we could accept Jesus into our hearts.      We then prayed together. Pastor David told me to give all my pain and all my sins to God and He would forgive and cleanse it all. Right then I knew there was something awesome happening.  November 25th, 2001 is the day that Linda & I began to feel whole again. I knew the healing had begun.      That night, I quit drinking, quit doing drugs and quit hurting. To this day I remain drug and alcohol free. I have no desire to return to that chapter of my life, because I remain drunk, not on wine, but of the holy spirit.      Since becoming a Christian, God has blessed me in many ways. He has given me the wisdom to see that my life wasn't being ruined. God was merely disassembling the mess that I had made of things, so that He could rebuild my life, His way. He has given me the gift of forgiveness. First by forgiving my sins, then giving me the heart to forgive others who I felt hurt me deeply.      He has given me, for the first time in my life, a real "family", my brothers and sisters in Christ.      I pray that I will continue to grow in the spirit and do good works that bring honor and glory to His name until the day he calls me home.  GOD BLESS YOU.